Go Ahead, Post that Selfie

** This article was originally published on BaristaKids– a local parenting website.

Don’t be so quick to condemn narcissists. You could learn a thing or two from them.

I’ve read a few articles recently about an apparent increase in narcissism (especially in younger generations) that point to social media as the culprit.

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A lot has been written (with some research to back it up) about the correlation between social media use and narcissistic tendencies.  With that being well documented and critiqued, I want to look at what we might learn from the trend towards self-aggrandizement and self-adulation.

Social media is not only  “a reflection of narcissistic tendencies”, as some have argued.  It is complex and very much a reflection of our human foibles and problems.  To add, we don’t have a mutually agreed upon code of ethics to guide our behavior.  Much of what would be unacceptable to those of us who are 35+ is the norm for younger generations.

The problem with social media includes becoming a forum for displaying narcissism.  It is also provides an opportunity to make negative comparisons resulting in anxiety, lowered self esteem, and envy  (hating).

But social media is also a useful and positive tool.   It allows connections beyond our geographic community, sharing information quickly and efficiently, and even online activism and consciousness raising.

I don’t necessarily encourage my clients to expose themselves, flaunt their beauty, or to be exhibitionists. What I am tinkering with is this idea:   What if we acknowledged and honored the part of us that maybe wants to show off, be acknowledged, be seen, be admired, be adored?

A really intelligent friend of mine points out that narcissistic behavior (and the more extreme narcissistic personality disorder) is rooted in insecurity.  While it might be inauthentic or superficial, some of the obsessive self adoration displayed on social media is a way to counter shame.
All forms if narcissism are ways to mask a need and likely a deep insecurity and ability to truly honor and be with others.  What I’m saying is that while we might judge or condemn narcissistic behavior- there is something to be gained and learned here.

Yes, I roll my eyes at the zillionth selfie a FB “friend” posted.  I am perplexed and sometimes disgusted at vain, self promoting, and excessive displays on Instagram.

I can turn away. I can also contemplate why it makes me uncomfortable. Do I not do the same because I’m more secure and evolved? Or am I playing small? Ashamed?  Afraid to be seen as arrogant?

No, flaunting ourselves on social media is not the way to get our needs met in a meaningful way. It is an an inadequate facsimile, an attempt to fulfill a desire. Yet, that desire should not be shamed. Yes, we should teach our daughters to cultivate more healthy and authentic ways to connect, be loved and acknowledged.

The desire to be seen, to be loved, to be acknowledged is our birthright.

But let’s not promote modesty at the expense of self confidence. Let’s not encourage hiding so that others feel more comfortable or less threatened. Let’s not be so self effacing to the extent that our gifts and purpose is downplayed.

What about you needs to be seen, acknowledged and celebrated?  Risk being perceived as lacking humility or narcissistic.  Go ahead post that selfie.

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One-to-One Coaching

photo-6I invite you to coach with me.  One-on-one coaching is the best form of support to make the changes you want.

What exactly happens in a coaching session? Yes, there’s goal setting and accountability, there’s visioning and action planning.  But more than that, there’s space and safety to say what’s hard to say anyplace else.  There’s processing fears and what’s holding you back. There’s being deeply affirmed and acknowledged so that moving through life becomes easier, more fluid.

You get to be with what’s true for you and that has profound impact on all areas of your life. It’s really about getting the support to really be you, no apologies, no boxes, no shoulds.

I don’t promise you that if you only change your thinking you’ll be rich, I don’t promise magic potions to achieve your dreams. I do promise greater freedom and fulfillment through authenticity, support, and your own deep wisdom.

Read more about other coaching options HERE.

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Use the form below or email me directly eloizajorge@gmail.com

10 Ways to Give Yourself More Lovin’

Originally written and published for Barista Kids, a local online resource for parents. 

We could all use more love, right?  Try these techniques to honor who you are and cultivate self-love.

  1. Tell the truth.

What’s on your mind or in your heart?  Get beyond the niceties and the shoulds and be with what’s really going on for you. Continue reading

Grateful, Even For the Crap

New Orleans: Thank you message in the grotto o...Around this time of year we get together with family and friends to recount all the reasons we’re grateful.  Most years I would bet that we’re grateful for what’s gone well, how we’re fortunate or lucky.  This year might be our chance to make this ritual different.

Continue reading

The Women I Work with are So Dope

poppyI have a confession about my job as a coach:

Coaching is really easy.  And this is mostly because of the dope (fly, fresh, awesome, incredible) women I work with.

It is also especially easy for me because I have this way of being able to identify the good in people.  I see beauty, potential, and grace even in the most ugly of circumstances.

Continue reading

Pitfalls of Being Too Grown Up (plus 5 steps to fix that)

 Barista Kids

You know, there is such a thing as being too responsible, too useful, too practical, too grown up.

We all want to be good, right?  And sometimes we are too good.  We are good at our jobs.  We are good at taking care of others.   We are good at being there for our family and friends.

And then we pause one day to realize something has been neglected or lost:  YOU. Continue reading

Why I’m in Therapy (the difference between therapy & coaching)

Sigmund Freud, founder of psychoanalysis, smok...

I’m in therapy.  And I’m an integrative coach.  I believe in the power of coaching and am even sometimes cavalier enough to say its methods are superior. And therapy is where I’m at right now.

I’m asked all the time what’s the difference between coaching and therapy?  So I sought a great therapist to find out. Continue reading

Going to Whole Foods to Buy Cheetos– the trouble with misguided expectations

Image representing Whole Foods Market as depic...
Image via CrunchBase

Would Whole Foods be your first choice if you were jonesing for Cheetos, or Doritos, or Twinkies?   Sure, you might find something that resembles junk food.   Smart Puffs or chocolate chip scones, maybe?  We are likely to feel dissatisfied with what we end up getting at this store if we go there expecting a variety of junk foods. Continue reading

Winter Solstice

Tomorrow marks the shortest day of the year in the northern hemisphere.  In the midst of holiday stress and busy-ness, I invite you to take a few moments to contemplate winter.photo-68 copy 4

Cold, darkness, going inward, seeking warmth…

Are you trying too hard?

Are you moving too fast?

What can you release, loosen or let go of entirely? Continue reading