What is the one thing about you that is impossible or the most difficult to accept?
What trait of yours is both a gift and a curse? Both a limitation and what sets your heart free?
What about you makes it difficult to fit in or be at peace with your surroundings?
Your answers to these questions are precisely what the world needs. The answers reflect who you need to be.
I first began to uncover my own answers to these questions when I started working with my coach about three years ago. My answers all have to do with passion– my coach called it my fire. It took several weeks before we dug deeply into this– though in retrospect my passion and fire was probably evident from the first moments we started working together…
A vital lesson I am learning involves being awake to who I am in each moment. Am I passionate all the time? No. But in times of despair or urgency or fear I can be pretty sure that denying who I am has something to do with my suffering. And a large part of who I am is this passion.
What is this fire that must keep burning? the fire is made of passion, a deep sense of justice, sensuality, rage, spirit, enthusiasm, knowing, freedom, fear of being controlled, impulse, action, desire, creativity, transformation, phoenix rising, heart, courage, energy, movement, defensiveness, impatience, drive, ambition, risk-taking, truth-telling, tears, heat blood, my pulse, pushing through fear, pain, hurt, light, darkness, depth, hunger, strength, skill, power.
How do I experience specifics of it? speaking truth to power, childbirth, angry outbursts, courage to go inward, impulses of creativity, stamina, physical strength, inspiration, racing heart and pulse, compulsion to speak, shame, fear, burning heart, clarity, confusion, creativity, dance, rhythm, sex, loving fiercely, taking risks, frightening others, hurting others, pain, rawness, defense, courage to speak, to try, to change, feeling emotion, instinct, guts, transparency, openness, vulnerability, feeling powerful, strong, feeling out of control, anxiety, flood of thought and emotions, difficult to contain, being self-assured, exuberant, whirling, questioning, challenging authority, being independent, comfortable moving from one world to the next (culturally, socially, metaphysically) (August 10, 2008)
Clearly, this might not be the same for you. What I DO know is, just as it is essential to fully embrace who I am, it is vital for you to begin to uncover and accept all the parts of you. The parts you like and the parts you deny. The exposed and the hidden. The beautiful and the ugly. The mature and the foolish.
For me, being passionate is not more comfortable, it is more free.
It is risky and foolhardy and more free.
It is often heartbreaking and more free.
The more I accept it, the less urgent and dangerous it feels. I can notice it, recognize it, feel it. I still fear it, disguise it and am ashamed when it is not reflected back or reciprocated. And, still, I’m compelled to own it and honor it.
I’d like to think I’m not as compulsive, not as rash, not as reckless. Maybe. Looking at my passion and it’s component parts, being intimate with it, feeling it break my heart over and again, accepting it as part of me has led me to feel more authentic and whole. There is no way around it– only through it.