Meditation vs Mob Wives

n-MOB-WIVES-NEW-BLOOD-large570Meditative practices are based on the assumption that part of being human is being forgetful. We leave and then return to a healthy practice.  We abandon and then re-commit to a meaningful ritual.  We forget and then remember some deep wisdom.

There have, undoubtedly, been moments in our lives when we sat in contemplative silence, meditated, prayed, danced, or practiced yoga as a way to feel more present and alive.  Perhaps during these times we were more centered and in tune.  We thought, I want more of this!  This is what life is really about. We remembered a connection to something larger than ourselves.  Our vision.  Our purpose.  And then we forgot…

The truth is, none of us is connected or awakened 100% of the time.  It’s not happening.  It’s not how we’re made.

On top of the unintentional forgetting, there’s the stuff we forget on purpose.  I somehow consistently dismiss the fact that sugar is a drug and that I am addicted to chocolate.  I seem not to recollect that watching too many episodes of Mob Wives lowers my brain function (even if I postulate that Big Ang’s attitude towards life could be considered Zen).

Forgetting on purpose sometimes helps us make it through the day– it helps dull or mask what is really there.  Especially when our own reality seems too painful or difficult to bear

When I am choosing not to remember I watch Mob Wives and engage in the drama of Renee’s betrayal or Drita’s anger.  I witness their suffering, not my own.  Choosing to be awake compels me to start to engage my own anger and propensity towards drama.

I have a confession.  During my marriage (before we split up), I spent an entire year on my iPhone.  Sure, I did other things like lovingly raise my kids, work, and cook yummy foods and blog about it.  But any little time I had to myself I was disconnected from life, opting for social media voyeurism instead.

I woke from the trance and started to deal with what I was really feeling.  And it was sometimes some ugly shit (a la Renee type melt downs). Yup. Really.  There was no way around the pain and mourning of my marriage ending– I had just been delaying it.  And there would be no way I could cultivate a friendship with my ex or an effective co-parenting partnership without dealing with what I had been avoiding.

Staying asleep masks our passions and what is alive in us.  We are a little bit dead.

What helps is real connection.  Connection with ourselves and connection with others.  I’ve received nurturing and love from my community of sisters along the way.

Connection and support has been mostly in the form of good listening, mutual sharing of woes, and perhaps most importantly, reminders about how to take better care of ourselves.

Sometimes taking care of myself means numbing my brain by watching an episode (or two) of Mob Wives.  As you might guess, taking really good care of myself involves other practices that bring me back to what is really there, what is truly alive for me.  Contemplative practices and the support of loving friendships trumps Mob Wives (on most days).

What’s your low brow way to escape from what’s true or real?

xoxo E

Are you down for this level of commitment and honesty?  You ready to choose meditation over Mob Wives?  Download the Self Care Warrior  e-book. 

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42 thoughts on “Meditation vs Mob Wives

  1. thanks for this reflection, E! dragging my feet to face my fear and grumpy about it. oh so grumpy. and scared. put myself out there for a witness to my sisterfriends this morning! gah! suuuuuuuuuuuuuux. sometimes i wish Mob Wives and chocolate were all there is.

  2. I’ve got to do something about this Diet Coke addiction…thanks for the well-written reminder!

  3. I keep getting little “warnings” to quite Facebook for a bit. This is another one. I really think I will. I check that thing hundreds of times a day – and I don’t even really care! Thanks for giving me another reminder!

  4. Yes, we all need this reminder. Yoga is my centering and Dancing With the Stars is my low brow escape. I don’t think I could do Mob Wives. I can’t handle the reality stuff. Sometimes we need the escape, in moderation…

    1. yes! certainly in moderation… i knew i was taking a risk in sharing this bad habit. part of my explanation is that i am from the NY tristate area and it feels like these women could be my neighbors…

  5. I have never watched Mob Wives but I am intrigued! I hear you when you say “The truth is, none of us is connected or awakened 100% of the time”. My son was born with a Congenital Heart defect and I promised that I would always live my life to the fullest. I would never take him for granted. I would let the little things go. I imagined laughter and wild flowers and many heartfelt montages. Of course no one can maintain this (I do like to watch ridiculous shows like Americas Next Top Model…) That being said I try to be more appreciative and more present in my life. I no longer fear judgement or critique. I faced my worst fear when I wondered if I would lose my baby and although I’m not as changed as I imagined, I am also not the same person. Not at all. So I connected with this post. The need to find balance between inspired living and rejuvenating down time is one I think we should all strive for.

    1. thanks for your comments, Carrie. they are heartfelt and insightful. i certainly agree that inspired living is what we strive for. i don’t know if Mob Wives is exactly rejuvenating down time– i guess that’s what i’m questioning! i appreciate you sharing your story and reminding us that we can lead more meaningful and mindful lives… xo

  6. I buried myself in meaningless escapes to avoid dealing with the realities of my PPD after my last daughter was born. It harmed me, it harmed my marriage and it harmed my kids. I’m trying to keep a balance in my life now but man, it is hard sometimes. It is so much easier to just “escape” and not have to think about the hard stuff. Great post!

    1. I’m sad and sorry to hear about your PPD. And I presonally relate to how depression negatively affects relationships. It is easier (and sometimes even necessary) to escape. I’m grateful this resonated with you. xo

    1. Your comment is making me question the difference between being entertained and escaping. Hmmm… And yes, I agree, nature is a beautiful and simple way to reconnect to what’s important. xo

  7. Hmm – never thought of that but you’re right, none of us is ever truly 100% present and alive. We are all just a little bit dead, and imperfect. Hmm – gave me something to think about.

  8. I definitely feel disconnected sometimes from reality through various social meadia. Like Jade, I’ve been contemplating a facebook “quit” for quite some time. This may be just the push I needed.

    And a nice escape every now and then comes in the form of writing for me. But unlike social media, this is a happy form of escape, a needed break.

    1. i’m loving these comments because it is illuminating the sometimes subtle differences between healthy distraction, self-care, numbing and escaping…
      thanks for your comments! xo

  9. I’ve often thought about this! When I want to check out so I can check back in fully, I find a great novel or several episodes of a tv show that I can just immerse myself in. Then when it’s over, I feel like I can be awake to what’s going on that needs to be addressed in my life. Great post!

  10. as someone else commented as well, there’s nothing like getting outdoors. which of course is why i spend most of my time indoors.

    sigh.

    1. isn’t funny how we KNOW the thing to do to help us feel more connected and alive and we somehow forget or don’t make space for it. i appreciate your comment! xo

    1. thanks for your comment. i am glad it resonated with you. (i was afraid about exposing myself as not evolved.) you’re right it is really about being present (and reminders to be present). xo

  11. I love what you said about connection and listening and being engaged (so true!) and…we need to ‘numb out’ every once in a while. I know I do. I like to watch Sister Wives and Say Yes to the Dress. Those are my ‘I don’t have to think’ stories. Another way I detach for a while is to shop, if I can afford it. There is nothing like a day away shopping, having lunch, and more shopping. :)

  12. I guess without our collective need to tune out, stations like TLC & Bravo would have no programming, and VH1 & MTV would have to show videos again. Sometimes that brain drain is a good thing, that need to disconnect, but I can understand how easy it could be to do it all the time.

    1. you’ve got me thinking… is it our collective need to tune out or are we conditioned to tune out? i suspect it’s a combination of both. life is hard. still, if media encouraged greater introspection and presence i wonder how different our culture would be? thanks for your comments! xo

  13. Loved the post, Elo. :)
    I find that I cannot focus intensely all the time. I know when I am ready to tune out and play. I have started to play “spider solitaire” on my computer and I find it is a necessary escape. Sometimes I will putter around the home without actually completing a task and that seems to relax me.

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