You Already Know

I don’t have much new to tell you, really I don’t.

I had an insight the other day:  Most of what I do as a coach is remind mothers what they already know.  Now, this knowledge might be in the deep recesses of their subconscious.  Still, somewhere inside they know.  In fact, I work with such insightful and accomplished women that a lot of what I do is coach them on how to do less.  They don’t need goal-setting or to-do lists.  They need space to be who they are.  They need reminders to keep it real.  They need the safety to say what is really on their minds.  What they already know…

The same goes for you.  Woman, you already know.

You’ve been schooled.
You’ve held a job.
You’ve had a child (or three).

Sure, you probably read some helpful books along the way and picked up some useful skills.  You’ve gotten some helpful advice.  You might have even taken a class.  But as a mom, you’ve mostly had to figure it out my living it, doing it.  You figure out your parenting style, you cultivate your adult relationships, you manage your household.  You handle your business (more or less).

I’ll share an example of what I mean and where I am going with this idea.  For the past 9 months I have been training to become a Childbirth Educator.  You know, someone who teaches people what to expect during labor and delivery and beyond.  As a student in this intensive program I’m learning anatomy and physiology, comfort measures and pain management, hospital practices and procedures, breastfeeding basics and newborn care.

All of what I am learning and what I will be teaching can be found in books or online.   I have appreciated being in the company of experts in fields related to childbirth and rearing, including doctors, midwives, acupuncturists, nutritionists and yoga instructors.  So, what is the most significant thing I’ve learned during this training?  What is the most important advice to share with women preparing for this momentous event?  Go ahead and hire a doula.  Find a good lactation consultant.  Get a postpartum nurse.

My point is, what expecting moms need to know they make it a point to find out.  What will make a difference is how able they are to access this information in the moment.  You probably remember how difficult it was to absorb all of the new information your “pregnant brain” tried to capture when you were preparing to become a mom.  And that it meant little without support.  Childbirth and postpartum is a time where women need to be put at the center.  Crossing the threshold into motherhood requires one thing: loving support.

You’re a mother.  Your body knows. Your heart knows.  Not because of what you’ve researched or read.  Because you live it.   You’ve completed a rite of passage.  You already know the wise thing to do.  You know what the ideal is.  You know the shoulds.  You have a sense of what it looks like.  You are resourceful and creative.

Even if you’re not ready to act on it, there is a part if you that already knows.  You don’t need to accumulate more knowledge or advice.  Long after your new baby is not-so-new, what you need is support.  You continue to need to be at the center.  You need deep listening.  You need acknowledgement and affirmation.  You need unconditional and non-judgmental backing.  You need space to say what you’re afraid to say, take risks, and follow your intuition.

Sure you can get this type of support from your girlfriends or your well meaning mother-in-law (wink) but you won’t get the same level of care and attention.  You won’t necessarily get the opportunity to uncover your own wisdom.

I have to admit, although I think I’m a really good friend, I can’t say I provide this level of nurturing to my closest girlfriends. Yeah sure, I’m a great listener but I sometimes try to relate what they’re saying to my own experience, or for their opinions to validate my own. Or sometimes I’m apt to give advice ‘cuz I’ve been there and I want them to avoid my pain.

As a coach, I trust you and your wisdom. I’m not your friend, I’m your supporter and advocate. Your needs trump mine. You are at the center and that is powerful. Why?  Because as mothers, that is a place we rarely get to be…

Looking for support in taking care of your own needs?   Work with me.

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