Radical Advice for Mothers of Fiery Daughters

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photo credit: Rita Jamai

Tell her you adore her.  Tell her she’s your best thing.  Kiss, hug and snuggle often.  Try to remember your grief does not trump hers. Ask her why she’s hurting.  Tell her you’re sad too.  Say, I know my dear it must hurt, instead of life is unfair.  When she tells you someone at school mistreats her, teach her to flip him the bird.  And reach out for help for heaven’s sake.

When she cries, comfort her. When her disappointment is too big for her little body to bear, distract her with movies and popcorn.  When you need a timeout, take it.  And remind her you’ll be back.  When she blames you, tell her you’re sorry.  Admit defeat.  Make amends.
And ask for support for heaven’s sake.

Say no and mean it.  Embarrass her with your own fierceness. Defend her. Model integrity and proper boundaries. You’re still in charge.  You’re the grown up.  And see a therapist for heaven’s sake.

Even when she looks awkward, tell her she looks beautiful.  Tell her she’s beautiful and loved all the time. It won’t spoil her or make her conceited. When she masturbates, do not act surprised or disgusted.  When she explores her sexuality, teach her about sensuality.  And get  guidance for heaven’s sake.

When she shows more courage than you, admire her.  When she acts out wonder why.  When she screams at you, pay attention with an open heart.  Ask questions.  Or just listen. Never tell her she’s too sensitive. Never tell her she’s too anything.  And seek healing for heaven’s sake.

Tolerate her anger, her confusion, her pain.

Nurture her longing, her curiosity, her questioning.

Celebrate her joys, her zeal, her triumphs.

Love her.

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