Radical Advice: Diminishing Drama

broken-hearted

 

 

 

 

Shit happens, sometimes a lot of  bad things can happen in a row. Sometimes life is overwhelming, heartbreaking, sad.

Suffering. I’ve had my share.

Break ups. Depression. Obstacles. Conflicts. Betrayal. Defeat.  We are all bound to encounter it.  It is part of the human condition.

This is not the problem.  Drama is.

How do we contribute to drama?

When we have difficulty bearing the disappointment or grief.  I can’t believe this is happening.  It’s too awful.  I should get over it.  I’ll ignore it.  I’ll stuff it away.

When we don’t address our grief with kindness.  Why is this happening to me?  I should have known better.  I should have predicted or prevented it.  It’s my fault.

When we get stuck in blaming and shaming.  It’s their fault.  They’re sick, deluded, hateful, wrong.  I’ll exact revenge and punish the cause of my suffering.

Drama happens when we avoid the main cause of our suffering.

It’s what we add on to the primary injury, hurt, or failure.  Drama prevents us from getting to what’s underneath– the sadness, the anguish, the sorrow.

Here’s where to start:

Change the script.  Honor the fact you hurt.  Take responsibility, yes. Yet, be careful not to slip into self-blaming.  Don’t call yourself names or be unkind.  Try instead to name the feeling and offer yourself compassion.  I’m sad. I’m disappointed.  I’m angry.  I’m betrayed.  I’m heart-broken.

Share your experience with someone you trust and who is capable of showing compassion.  Tell your truth as a  matter of fact. Not, Guess what! Can you believe… Name the emotions underneath. Don’t add your interpretation just yet.  Have someone witness your story. Be mindful of how you frame your experience.  What story are you constructing?

Stop gossiping, even about yourself.  Be careful about the words you use to describe the situation. We secretly like to get swept up in it. It can make us feel alive, it can shake things up.  Focusing on the other people involved can momentarily help us feel not so eff’d up.  Try to take the charge out if it.

You might still be in shock and disbelief. Ask yourself:

What are the facts of this situation I can not change?

What reality am I challenged to face? 

What is the kindest way to treat myself during this difficulty?

Give yourself time.

Diminishing drama doesn’t mean dramatic shit doesn’t happen. It means that you try your best to be with the reality of what you’re confronted with and you honor the feelings it brings up for you.

I’m offering this with much love after having had my share of drama.  My hope is that it serves you. xoxo

 

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One thought on “Radical Advice: Diminishing Drama

  1. Hey Elo,
    you are so on target… There are times when I make a conscious effort to walk away from the drama. It is very helpful to have strategies to handle unpleasant situations, grief and not add drama to the mix. One of the career coaches also had a great post on the same topic.
    Thank you :)

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